my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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