Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
