thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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