i wish my penis had a tongue
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
