Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have post one night stand depression
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
