I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
