Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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