I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize