just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
