absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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