i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
