absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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