Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
