i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I supernannyed him into submission
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
