He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
