3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
