never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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