smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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