i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
