dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The power of my boobs compel you
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
