haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
