i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
