I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
