this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
