i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
