Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
