On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
