I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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