dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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