ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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