she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
