I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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