its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I didn't notice because vodka
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
