We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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