In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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