I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
