You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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