do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
