If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
