just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
