grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
