I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
