Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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