I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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