He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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