My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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