Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
