..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I pour the whiskey from now on
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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