So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
