Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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