vagina is talking i cant
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize