I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
