it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
