Say something about gay babies.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
