It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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