I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
