You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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