no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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