Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
