alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
