The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
