how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
