YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
