I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
