I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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