Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
