you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize