Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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