i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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