If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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