I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
They are going to name an STD after you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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