I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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