Four minutes until I can fart!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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