You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
