beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
