Your dad touched me again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
