yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
