I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
