She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
