Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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