I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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