craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
