You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
