I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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