My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
