Kiss
Puke
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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