i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
